It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
