i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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