Its about making memories worth repressing
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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