You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize