why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
