I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
