When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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