i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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