i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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