Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
