You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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