I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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