I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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