Sacagawea was the original milf.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
