my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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