Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
