Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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