I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
