Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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