I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
