So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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