i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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