If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
