Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
