Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
