Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
