he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
