one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
