careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
