Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize