Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
