I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
