shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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