1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
two words: eviction party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
