Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize