why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
