Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
