i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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