Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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