2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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