Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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