Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
