Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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