this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
