This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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