Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
