i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
