Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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