We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
