would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
