Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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