Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize