she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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