Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
