It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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