I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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