I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize