I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize