it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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