I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
