If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
