i jhust puked up my retainher.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I want is dick and wine.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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