I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
