it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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