Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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