there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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