so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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