The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
