I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
