eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
