he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
