No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
