I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
