I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize