Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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