hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
