He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
