I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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