bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
