Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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