yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
