I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
