before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
