well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
