Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think i have two assholes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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