'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize