sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
