i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize