I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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