Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
