WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
