As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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