The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
