That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
