After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
