I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
