I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
